Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
