I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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