I wish my penis had an off switch
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I know her cup size but not her name....
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
