U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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