I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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