You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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