just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
