I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
