there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
