ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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