remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Are we still banned from the library?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
