There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
