his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
