Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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