real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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