the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
