you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
