What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
