Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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