Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
