These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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