Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she looked like the before picture.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
