Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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