also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
