we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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