Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
