Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
