I need help removing her.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
