I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
