I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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