i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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