I am full of burrito and curiosity
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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