he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
