your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
