you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
