She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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