They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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