her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
do nipples grow back?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
