Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
