Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
