so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
