I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
