**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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