I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
