i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
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Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
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I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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