Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
