Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
