I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
