I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
