Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
