Define "chronic" masturbator.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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