soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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