Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
