dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
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It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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