There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
