fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
