Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
