Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
