WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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