Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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