i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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