you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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