So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
