Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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