In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
