I got chris browned last night
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
So squirting runs in the family.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
