i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
