We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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