May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
So. Much. Porn.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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