remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
