Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
